Good morning to everyone except Greg, who beat me up so bad with his cut serve that my parents disowned me (true story).

I went to the beach yesterday and saw some guys playing Spikeball so I ran over and asked if I could join. Five hours later I turned around and my girlfriend was gone. I’ve been told my “obsession has ruined date day.”

Anyways, today we’re talking about the most beautiful city in the USA—Columbus, Ohio.

Below:

• 📊 Recapping the Columbus Major results

• 📖 Headlines and storylines from Columbus

• 🌄 Top five places to play Spikeball

Let’s a gooooo (not a typo, but a Super Mario Bros reference).

🏆️ The Columbus Major

The Final Major of the 2023 Season

Let’s start by saying this. My god was this field stacked. Everybody came to the season’s final Major to try and earn their automatic bid to the Pro Division at The Championship.

Current teams with automatic pro bids:

• Moneyline (won’t play as this team as it was a team switch for Matthew Cole at Salt Lake City; Cole has qualified with Grant Klapwik on points as Kingdom Come)

• Judgement Day

• Insystem

• Rogue

• Spotless

• Assistive Touch

• Nothing Toulouse (Vincent Mathieu is also a part of Critical Hit, whom he’ll play with during The Championship, meaning Elie Pilon will not qualify)

• Eisenträger/Siemer (fingers crossed they make the trip from Europe)

Recap

Judgment Day came out of the Powerpools as the 1st seed, and cruised to the Semifinals, where they met Insystem. It was a grueling three-set thriller, but in the end, Insystem survived and advanced to the Finals. 

The two-time Major winners, Rogue, came out of pool play as the 2nd seed. But they couldn’t get get passed Bad Combo, losing in two close sets by scores of 19-21 and 20-22.

Bad Combo has been so close at the Majors all season long, but just haven’t been able to capitalize until this match against Rogue. Will Picone was near perfect to take down the juggernauts, and the celebration from Rahul Murthy said it all—hugging Picone so aggressively he nearly tackled him.

This was the first time all year we saw Rogue visibility upset.

The Finals: Insystem vs. Bad Combo

The first game of the finals was 33-31. I’m not kidding nor am I joking. In a great show of karma, Rahul did the classic “Feed Zeke” celebration, which he then immediately followed with a double fault on game point to gift Insystem the first game… #clutch

Bad Combo won the second game, but in the third, Insystem’s defense was just too good, and they walked away with the illustrious Pitcher.

Women’s and Mixed Division

Pure and utter domination from the Jenki TWINZ. They didn’t lose a game, and none were that close if we’re being honest. We’re all just itching to see them face off against towerful and Tiramisu at The Championship 🍿

In the Mixed Division, Rahul got his Major win with Olivia Jenki as they went a perfect 10-0. They beat out Ali Jenki and Joe Bondi’s “Subtle” and “Jaskier’s Groupies” led by Rogue’s Ryan Marino along the way.

🗞️ Headlines & Storylines

📹️ Coverage was bad, like really bad

It’s hard to follow an event when the scores are incredibly delayed on Fwango and there’s no videos going up real time with commentary. Even after the event, it is kind of left to people to wonder. It’s going so far as people are asking the teams themselves to increase their content, but personally I don’t think this is the solution. Teams shouldn’t be obligated to do this, it seems silly.

🤔 Women denied?

We’ve been struggling to get signups all year for the women’s division in North American Majors, and now we hear that the tournament turned away teams after 16 signups because they wanted a cleaner bracket process. That’s ridiculous. As many women as we can get should be allowed to play. It wasn’t protecting competitiveness it was protecting laziness, horrible to see.

😍 The Championship is going to be f*cking fantastic

What’s clear is how good these players have become. The level of the sport feels so incredibly high right now throughout all three divisions. We are in for a treat.

The top five places to play roundnet:

1. On top of a literal mountain

2. On the Ice for optimal Grip

3. Festival of Lights in Berlin

4. The Beach (preferably with a drink and a sunset)

5. A crowd watching and picasso painting in the back